so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
