Im at strip club and am horny
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
