In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
