I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
