No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
