these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
