hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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