so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
