Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
