just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
