I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
