he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
