One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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