Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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