I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
