Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
