when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
