It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
