There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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