oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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