i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
