our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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