that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
