are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
