whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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