And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
