I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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