she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
