I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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