I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need a beard to bite.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
