I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
