I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I died a long time ago.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
