I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
