If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dignity is for republicans.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
