youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
