I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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