new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
