Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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