That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
