***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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