Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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