And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize