it's not cheating when I paid for it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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