So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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