Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
