If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
