you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
