About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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