I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
