I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
