My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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