Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
