Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
