so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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