You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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