I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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