I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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