my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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