So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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