So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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