Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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