Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
